And mists
And abysses.” – Sanober Khan, A Thousand Flamingos
My brothers used to love these jokes, y’know the ones where
you send an unsuspecting lad off to fetch something implausibly impractical and
oxymoronic in nature? Like a chocolate teapot, a tin of stripy paint, a glass
hammer, inflatable dart board etc and so on. I certainly fell for my share of them
as a kid! I’ve been thinking about these paradoxical quips as I sit here because
for days I’ve been trying to write about brain fog. Ugh… the dreaded brain fog.
The thing with brain fog it…erm…hmmm… **tumbleweeds**
Brain fog is a symptom of many physiological and mental
health conditions. This clouding of consciousness is medically described as an abnormality
in the regulation of the overall level of consciousness, less severe than delirium,
which causes impairment to one’s cognitive function. Symptoms include
confusion, memory loss, inability to concentrate, lack of mental clarity, often
with a dose of insomnia on the side just for good measure.
It snuck up on me as a symptom to be honest with you. Pain
shouts at you, brain fog seems to seep in through the cracks silently until you
can’t see and your mind is thick with cloud. This heavy haze has been
particularly present for me this winter. I started this blog with a view to
excitedly churning one out every few weeks and then the fog descended.
Throughout November and December I wrote the following three sentences…
The reality of loss, it seems to me, goes on and on…
I went on a journey to meet my inner critic and met Golum in
a cave…
There is fear and struggle in the dark, but there is grace
and peace to be found there too…
All trains of thought triggered by inspiration found on my
Breathwork journey, all subjects with much gold to be mined, yet my mist
blurred brain trails off into empty oblivion within a sentence of beginning. I
get on the thought train at the station and no sooner am I aboard then the
train ups and vanishes and I’m left kicking my legs in mid-air a la Wiley
Coyote. It’s like opening a book to find the pages blank and frankly, it’s
frustrating as hell. How do I explore grief, shame, depression…when I can
barely remember my own name?!
What I’m getting round to here is…what helps? Well, for me
at least, these things are key :
Hydration – Literally every cell, organ and system in our
bodies needs water to run properly. We are fluid beings and maintaining proper
hydration helps our body balance our temperature, properly expel waste and
lubricate joints etc. Dehydration causes fatigue, headaches and sluggishness –
all things that exacerbate brain fog in my experience. These two things feel
inter dependant. Dehydration can bring on the dreaded fog for sure.
Food – For me, food is a beautiful thing. It is a tool, a
medicine, a pleasure and an expression of love. Eating good, nutritious and
delicious food feeds my soul as much as my body. Feeding your body and brain
good things that will make you feel better is an act of love. I’m not here to
prescribe what those things might be for you, just to say eat! Food is also
fuel and a body with an empty engine will not run well.
Gentle exercise – Yoga and wild swimming are my drugs of
choice here, I also love taking long walks and getting out into nature. Do
anything that energises you and then….
Rest – Nap. Chill. Take a long hot bath. Meditate. Get an
early night. Sleep in late. Rest well, in whatever way you can and do it with
relish. This is taking care of yourself and it’s a priority.
Kindness – Be kind with yourself when the fog settles. It
can be immensely frustrating when it lands, especially as the fog has no
respect for whatever plans you may have or what you need to focus on. I have
absolutely had experiences where I very much needed my brain to be engaged and
thanks to the fog, felt like I was wading knee deep through treacle trying to
think.
This one is easier said than done, but I reckon getting
angry, anxious and all in a tiz only serves to confuse things further and
make
you feel worse.
Example – brain fog for me, often comes with a side of
audiophobia and photophobia. This means it very much makes me want to hide away
in a dark and quiet place. At the very start of my Breathwork facilitator
training we had an intense and exciting weekend together in Brighton.
Unfortunately for me this coincided with the onset of a wave of depression and
brain fog which meant I found the weekend more difficult that I had
anticipated. It was hard to allow these feelings to be present with me during
an event I had anticipated being excited about and enthusiastically involved
in. When it came to it, I felt like I couldn’t think or speak, like I couldn’t
hear or absorb information and by the Sunday I was feeling full sensory over
load.
There are two ways to respond for me when this occurs…crush
it down, pretend it isn’t happening and force myself into an exhausting sort of
overdrive, a state of hyper focus to compensate or acknowledge that it’s
happening, try not to feel embarrassed or ashamed and take steps to help with
kindness and compassion. The first option is terrible and drains the life out
of me, but in the past it has probably been the option I have used the most.
This leaves me super anxious, fatigued and crashed out for days afterwards. The
second option is tough to allow in, but truly the kindest approach. In this
instance, I shared how I was feeling with my teacher and friend Ben, shared
with a few close mates on and off the course and tried to do the kind and
nourishing things that help. This included at one point on the Sunday, lying on
the floor with headphones and a sleep mask on for 20 minutes to give myself a
break from the light and sound and people all around me. It doesn’t make the
fog go away, but approaching it with love makes it feel less heavy to endure.
I only felt able to do that in this instance because I was
surrounded by some people who I know and love, who I am are sharing this
journey into Breathwork and self-discovery with and with whom I have previously
shared my feelings around my condition. I was in a very held and safe space.
And it felt quite beautiful actually.
And last, but by no means least….
Breathe! – use your breath like a tool. Our breath can be
healing, invigorating, enlightening, explorative, relaxing , centering and so
much more as well. Explore different ways of breathing and see what brings you
clarity and energy. For brain fog I find any kind of nostril breathing can help
awaken the brain. Sufi breathing is amazing for shaking off negative emotions
and bringing some joy and fire back into the body. The well here is deep and I
encourage you to play and discover different ways of breathing and feel into
what works for you. It’s a delectable tool belt to have and can feel like
having magic and medicine and peace and power in your pocket ready to reach
with just a few breaths.
So folks, I guess that’s my ramble on brain fog for now. I’m
happy I’ve managed to complete a rambling piece for you and I hope it has gone
some way to explain my lack of rambling on other subjects of late. I feel a
weight has been lifted and I am grateful for that.
Here’s to the clear days and the mist, the starry nights and
heavy clouds, the waves, the winds and all things. I am here for it all.
